


Taxi Mac Tir

by aliencereal



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Sex, Crack, F/M, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2242665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliencereal/pseuds/aliencereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anora loves her boyfriend, but his family could use some work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taxi Mac Tir

**Author's Note:**

> wtf did i just write

When she agreed to spend a week at Cailan's house during summer break, Anora had worried about the usual things a 22-year-old college girl worries about when visiting her boyfriend's family. Not getting along with his parents, annoying high school friends, having nothing to do when he's at his summer job, that sort of thing. She'd been prepared for those. Apart from the constant presence of Cailan's clown of a younger brother, it hasn't been so bad.

She had _not_ been prepared to have someone knocking on the guest room door at 3pm. Cailan won't get off work for another couple of hours, so she really doesn't know what to expect when she opens the door.

Alistair's elven girlfriend is standing in the hallway, wearing a band t-shirt that comes down to her mid-thighs and what appears to be nothing else. Anora only recognizes her from dinner the night before; Alistair actually stays out of the way when she's in the house. Anora doesn't remember her name.

“Can I... help you?” Anora asks, not really sure what the hell is going on. The elf blushes darkly and adjusts her hair, which is messy in a sexed-up way that Anora really doesn't want to think about. Cailan's brother is _seventeen_ , for god's sake, she wants to know _absolutely nothing_ about his sex life.

“Err-- Alistair kinda... We need a ride to the ER,” The elven girl awkwardly manages, which sets off a whole bunch of different alarm bells.

“What _happened_?” Anora demands. The girl blushes even harder and hides her face in her hands.

“He has a vibrator stuck up his ass. Just... take us to the hospital. Please.”

Anora says nothing. She just turns around, walks into the guest room, and grabs her car keys.

*

The vibrator is _on_.

The fact that Alistair and his girlfriend, whose name is Gabby or Tabby or something like that, are sitting in the backseat and she can _still hear it_ makes Anora want to cry, or scream, or maybe call Erlina to cry or scream at her. Every time the car goes over a bump Alistair makes little noises of distress.

At least, they'd _better_ be distress, because if he's getting off on this, she's going to have to kill him, even if he is her boyfriend's brother.

*

Alistair's girlfriend's name is Kallian Tabris, and Anora only knows this because the elven girl panics when asked for medical information and starts giving her own instead of Alistair's.

It takes 20 minutes of sitting with two sexually humiliated teenagers before Anora realizes she doesn't actually have to sit with them.

On the way out, she texts Cailan the following:

_Spending the night at Erlina's. Pick up your brother and his girlfriend from the ER. They're fine. I'm just not dealing with this._

She then calls Erlina to tell her best friend to break out the good wine.

She's going to need it after this bullshit.


End file.
